You’ve Made Your Money – Now What?

This article is part of Brighter Vision’s Fall Into Cash Campaign, a month of giveaways, promotions and invaluable content to help you and your private practice Fall into more cash this fall season. Click here to see all of the available giveaways you can enter!

---

So you’ve listened to the podcasts, read the blog posts, followed the advice, and are making more money. So what do you do with it? If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll eventually wind up in the same financial shape you were in before you made more money. If you were broke before, you’ll be broke again.

Here’s Why.

I’ve conducted workshops on living better financial lives for more than 20 years. I was one of the first therapists to help clients with their financial issues from a psychological perspective. Here’s what I’ve discovered.

Most people think problems with money are problems with outside forces beyond their control. Most view the solution to their problems as simple math. All will be solved with addition and subtraction. Make more money and or spend less money and all will be fine.

If it were that simple, Brighter Vision wouldn’t devote all this space to making more money because you’d have plenty. So why don’t you do what you know how to do with your money? Well, just like the plan for losing weight is simple, eat right and exercise, there is more to achieving our financial goals.

We have countless books and articles about saving, budgeting and achieving financial freedom for the same reason we have countless books and articles on weight loss and exercise programs. The plans don’t work. No plan, no matter how creative will work until underlying emotional issues driving behavioral choices are resolved. Until people, corporations and nations address the underlying emotional issues involved in misusing money – trying to solve non-financial problems with financial plans, we’ll continue to struggle with money.

What goes wrong when we attempt to take control of our financial lives?

The critical factor missing in financial planning is the need to resolve belief systems fueled by unresolved emotional issues. The challenges of having a healthy financial life are relationship problems. It’s your relationship with money that needs help, not your math skills. Math can’t solve relationships issues because relationships are driven by emotions, not math. So talk to your therapist about your financial life rather than your accountant.

The critical factor missing in financial planning is the need to resolve belief systems fueled by unresolved emotional issues. The challenges of having a healthy financial life are relationship problems. It’s your relationship with money that needs help, not your math skills. Math can’t solve relationships issues because relationships are driven by emotions, not math. So talk to your therapist about your financial life rather than your accountant.

In an interview with Jon Stewart on 10/21/2013, Alan Greenspan said, “Markets do very weird things because they react to the way people behave and sometimes people are a little screwy,” to which Stewart replied, “You just learned this?” Greenspan continues as he describes behavior on Wall Street, “We always thought the screwiness would wash out and all you had to do was look at the real numbers in the real world. That was wrong. The simple premise we all made, that people would act rationally in their long-term self-interest, made a huge impact on how you would think the economy would function. When we began to see what was going on, you couldn’t believe that there would be people who would be that disregarding of their own companies.” So the former Fed Chairman and those around him had no idea that people act irrationally. Imagine that!

Our own denial or our emotionally driven belief systems work the same way. We honestly believe we know how to manage our money. We’ve been taught that financial planning is a math problem and those who teach us think like Greenspan. So if you wonder why our personal debt is nearly $13 trillion and our national debt is now above $20 trillion, look no further than a psychology 101 class. People behave irrationally. National Debt Clock: http://www.usdebtclock.org/

Our Relationship With Money

We have a relationship with our money just like we have a relationship with food. If you make a lot of money and spend all you make or more, you’re demonstrating bulimic behavior. If you hoard money, you’re “obese.” If you spend your money on others like you spend your time with them – to get them to love you or be with you, you’re codependent with money. If you shop when you experience uncomfortable feelings, then you’re using money the way people use food or drugs to manage feelings.

So any problem concerning money stems predominantly from emotional issues. Couples who fight about money are really fighting about their feelings and belief systems that feel threatened. Chronic debtors are struggling with an addictive process. As a culture, we talk more openly about our sex lives than our financial lives because there is less shame about sex than money.

Seeing money problems as relationship problems, the answers to our money issues become clear. We must change our relationship with money. Fritz Perls said, “Nothing changes until it becomes what it is.” So what is our current relationship with money?

We view money as a way to meet non-financial needs. Money will make us happy. Money will give us freedom. Money will bring an end to anxiety. We rely on money to solve problems that aren’t money problems. Money can only solve money problems. When we can view money as it truly is, a financial asset, much like viewing food as simply fuel for our bodies, then we can begin to change our financial lives.

In other words, we have to put money in its place. We have to view it as only a solution to money problems. But to do that, we have to replace the meaning of money is in our lives. If we’re anxious, we have to learn to relax or live with anxiety in a way that doesn’t paralyze us instead of buying something. If we want more money, we have to be honest about what we truly want more of. It’s probably not money. Maybe we want deeper connections or more satisfying relationships with people and ourselves. We more deeply want non-financial assets.

More precisely we can start with recognizing our current balance sheet of non-financial assets. Where do we stand in terms of intelligence, creativity, the ability to love? When was the last time you worked 40 hours a week to bring home more compassion for yourself and others?

So we need an honest accounting – financial and non-financial. The money part is simple. Track your earning and spending down to the last penny. When I suggest that to my clients, I see blood drain from faces. “That will be hard,” they bemoan. And they’re correct. It is difficult, but not because of the accounting needed. It’s hard because of the shame that surfaces.

Most folks can rattle off the regular expenses, but few can tell you how much they spend on coffee from Starbucks. That will be an estimate and it’s usually very wrong. When my clients get an accurate accounting, it’s frightening to them to see how much they’re spending on unnecessary items. Just seeing reality often slows unnecessary spending quite naturally.

A Personal Story

A long time ago I started a support group for people who wanted to change their financial lives. Close to 30 people attended that first monthly meeting. Everyone was eager to improve their net worth. I gave one homework assignment that night. Track your money, bring it to the next session and share it with the group to get support in making changes. The next month only half the group returned. Only one person had begun to track his spending. We discussed how hard it was to remember to accurately track spending. I introduced the concept of shame and how we use money in an attempt to hide that shame.

The next month half the group didn’t show. By the next month, only one member remained.

Why? Shame. It would take several books to completely describe shame. Look to the work of John Bradshaw and Brene Brown. Simply put, shame is the belief that some part of us is unlovable and if discovered it will turn everyone away from us. Given that, it makes sense that we’d do all we could to hide that shame from the world. Material goods bought by money or credit is one of our culture’s favorite ways to attempt to hide shame.

We all lie to ourselves to hide our shame and prove we’re good people. That way we can blame our shortcomings along with our lack of funds on outside sources, like the economy or our partners. If you have any doubts about what I’m proposing, begin to track your money, and here’s the clincher, share that data with more than a few people. If it’s an honest accounting and honest sharing, then you will encounter where your shame lies.

Money = Financial Asset

As you begin to look at money as only a financial asset, then you can more clearly see your non-financial assets. Again, you need an honest accounting. This is even trickier than being honest about your spending. Most everyone will rate themselves as better or worse than they really are. Research that shows how we rate ourselves as better than others most of the time is now called the better-than-average effect. Rating ourselves as worse than others is simply called low self-esteem.

So how do you take an honest accounting of your non-financial assets? Let’s start with a list:

• Education
• Health
• Intelligence
• Knowledge
• Sexual Pleasure
• Relaxation
• Memories
• Time Adventure
• Intuition
• Discipline
• Children
• Community
• Personal Growth
• Self-esteem
• Love
• Integrity
• Service
• Vitality
• Inner Power
• Wisdom
• Hope
• Talents/Skills
• Creativity
• Faith
• Self-awareness
• Beautiful Surroundings
• Supportive Relationships
• Communication Skills
• Commitment To Self-Care Gratifying Work
• Safety
• Hobbies
• Gratitude
• Spirituality

Just to name a few. Ask others to give you their accounting of your non-financial self. Discover who you really are. If you truly want to learn more about who you are, go the therapy, says Eddie the therapist.

With an honest accounting of financial and non-financial assets, you can bring your unresolved emotional issues to the surface, find your deepest shame, have the opportunity to heal it and be on your way to financial as well as emotional health. As your shame heals, your financial balance sheet will improve.

If you want to learn more, contact me and let’s improve your financial and non-financial balance sheet.

Wanna learn more about bringin’ home that bacon?

This month, we’re teaming up with the best consultants, brands and coaches in the industry to offer advice, podcasts, tools, content, and our favorite part, giveaways — all centered around one theme, makin’ money. Learn all about how and what you can win here.

Enter your email to have our content sent directly to your inbox